The trials were numerous and difficult to overcome. First, the announcement that she does not realize. Then, the weariness. The loss of identity, a little later, followed by depression. The pain, the transformation of her body, and finally the reconstruction, step by step. Stages that many women, affected by breast cancer, experience each year in France and around the world.
Through her testimonial book, “The Victory Within”, Françoise Bitton immerses us in a poignant story, at the heart of the illness. Meeting with a survivor in the context of Pink October.
How did you discover that you had breast cancer?
When the doctor announced the verdict, I did not realize it. I had been feeling very tired for a year already, but I told myself it was nothing. I had had a mammogram ten months before the discovery of cancer, a mammogram “to monitor” which I had not really worried about… One day, my daughter decided to “read my cards.” Whether people believe it or not, she told me she saw illness in them, so I consulted on her advice. I did a new mammogram that was supposed to be sent to Saint-Louis Hospital (Paris) for “verification.” A simple verification… which led to the announcement from my doctor. Today, I can affirm that from that day onwards, I was in total denial.
Was there a moment when you finally realized you were ill?
Yes, with the loss of my hair. During the first chemotherapy sessions, then. I was convinced I had the strength to wear a kind of helmet to precisely avoid significant loss. At the first chemo session, I only lasted a few minutes with that icy clamp on my head, and I almost screamed for them to remove it. At first, you don’t think you’re going to become bald. And then, I felt like I was living someone else’s story; none of it was real. Until the day I went directly to the hairdresser to get completely shaved. I don’t do things halfway, so I decided to take matters into my own hands.
Before losing your hair, you went through many states of mind. What were they?
There was denial initially, for a very long time. A moment of exasperation too. Everyone was telling me, “Go see so-and-so; so-and-so is better; are you being followed by so-and-so?” Fortunately, my husband supported me a lot and told me, “You are in good hands; no need to go elsewhere!” That’s when relationships started to form at the hospital, true human connections, until my operation, a mastectomy, performed by Professor Barranger. It was then necessary to relearn one’s body. That’s where patience is needed because I faced a real loss of identity. It was very long, and support is indispensable, whether family, friends, medical, psychological, or even through associations. A few months later, I also faced depression. My hair wasn’t growing back, and I hadn’t been sufficiently warned about the side effects of chemotherapy. That’s when you have to come to terms with your illness, accept it, also accept that it’s not others’ fault, and take responsibility. Finally came the reconstruction, physical through reconstructive surgery and mental. You are healed. The depression disappears, the still-present side effects become secondary. Only downside, I still didn’t have hair… It’s been six years now, and they are still having difficulty growing back.
How do you view your journey today?
Today, it’s the joy of living that prevails. I’m no longer afraid of anything, I’m very tolerant, I’ve meditated a lot, and I’m even more faithful than before. For me, this cancer was a stage in my life. The illness taught me a lot about myself, my behavior, and the genealogical or cosmic memories we carry. I had some true revelations during this period. Today, through this testimonial book, I want to share my experience with all those other people who have lived or risk living a similar experience to mine. My goal is to organize conferences to talk about my experience and help people.
