Is modernity going to defeat the traditional family? Appearances can be particularly deceptive in this matter: although more than one marriage out of two does indeed end in divorce, the model of the heterosexual family paradoxically retains a dominant influence. Recomposed families after a separation or divorce, single-parent families following a desire for children not supported by one of the partners, new forms of parenthood sketched out around couples of homosexuals or lesbians, there still seems to be an unconscious imprint asserting itself in the choices of those who experience these relationships day by day, even in renovated forms: a couple of parents raising children. Certainly, the motivations can vary from one family to another. Some wish to “repair” the “damage caused” by a previous experience and try to overcome a guilty anxiety towards children from a first union. Others aim to replicate a story, happy or not, to which a specific emotion is attached. Some also comply due to fear of social marginality.
Despite the innovative nature of these situations, which are difficult to fully assess due to lack of hindsight, a series of three encouraging developments deserves mention. Recent studies on these “new parentalities” suggest first that “children raised in such contexts do not significantly differ from others in terms of their psychic development and sexual identity”. In plain terms, psychological disorders do not appear more frequently or abundantly compared to traditional families. Time will allow confirmation or refutation of these initial results. Moreover, and this is another paradox, the desire for children among these new couples seems more mature to avoid reproducing “past mistakes”. This phenomenon is accentuated among “homoparents”, who are increasingly numerous, and whose reflection on this desire to give life is significantly deeper than among heterosexual parents. In this regard, it is worth recalling the mental disasters — regularly recounted on the couch — that represent for any human being the fact of having been conceived without desire. Lastly, the most striking aspect is undoubtedly the extraordinary capacity of children to exhibit surprising inventiveness in creating, in their own way, emotional bonds, “transfamilial landmarks” with the “newcomers” in their environment: the use of affectionate diminutives based on places or events they associate with these “new parents”, the emergence of new “uncles” and “aunts” to the dismay of the official titleholders, all elements intended to personalize their relationship with this unfamiliar surrounding and to compensate for what it lacks: a common and original history. These “object relations,” to use a Freudian term, provide proof of the good unconscious dynamics governing interactions between individuals. Hence the importance, emphasized by all specialists, of allowing these children to draw identifications by broadly opening their relationships beyond the mere familial circle.
How to educate children who are not one’s own? And how to understand the reasons that drive people to want to rebuild a family at all costs after having previously experienced a failure. Rather than providing written answers, two authors decided to share their thoughts and experiences in the form of a graphic novel. An inventive and original work.
No question is overlooked in this work: the status of the stepparent, legalization of homosexual marriage, surrogacy, and the status of the embryo. Many sensitive and contemporary themes that this psychiatrist and psychoanalyst does not hesitate to address, substantiating his reflections on his opinion and personal experience. An approach to “filiation” that is not without controversy but which greatly enlightens the questions of our society.
